coming to the realization i have have have to go back.  go back to school.  not only do i miss it.  i feel non existent without counseling/people/helping/art/healing/verypassion in my life.  i have to stare the shut.me.up.shut.me.away.crippling fear that has resided in my soul for the last two years in the face and yell at it to move along.  move aside.  i'm moving beyond. 

well, beyond as far as getting that application in my hand and putting pen to paper will allow me.  i've gathered the facts, and i'm ready to act.  does that mean all of the obstacles i fear are still there.  still screaming can'tcan'tcan'tcan't all around me.  finances.  judgement.  failure.  broken reality.  yep.  those things are still there.  i see you.  but i feel the beckoning of my purpose more.  well, more strongly, i feel it's absence.  and finally, more than i fear acknowledging the loss of purpose, i fear never having it back again. 

so here we go.  steady, determination.  grow.